I found myself.
Like many, this is how I spent my 20’s (sometimes intentionally, other times served up to me by the universe.)
As an anxious, stressed out college kid that was struggling educationally for the first time in my life, I told myself, “I just need to pass, get the degree, and get that big boy paycheck.” Oh how cute I was not knowing (being honest with?) myself about what truly mattered to me.
Regardless, a few months after graduating with my Bachelors in Computer Science from the College of Engineering at the University of Illinois, I got a well-paying desk job as a “Business Intelligence consultant” (fancy words for using data to drive business insights and therefore better biz decisions.)
Initially, everything was cool beans. I enjoyed “being an adult.” It made me feel important to wear business casual, have conference calls with clients, travel alone, and get that big boy paycheck.
Then I had my one year review.
Sitting across the table from my boss, she asked,
“Where do you see yourself going in the next year? What are you excited about?”
I went blank.
For the first time in my life, I had no goals, no ambition. It scared the shit out of me.
I came up with something random on the spot, but I was shaken; I couldn’t unsee the truth that was on display in that moment.
Upon doing some soul searching, I felt like I was wasting my life and my potential. I just felt like I was meant for more. Like if I just continued the 9-5 grind, I would be robbing myself, and the world, of what I had to offer. (I wasn’t crystal clear about exactly “what” this was, but I just knew I had more to give.)
So I quit.
Last year, almost a decade later, I decided to re-enter the corporate world and am currently employed as a data engineer. I couldn’t be happier.
Sooo, what transpired during the 10ish years between these events that has me more satisfied, grateful, and inspired than ever?
Here’s the high level:
I quit my high-ceiling desk job 2 years out of college ($70k+ salary)
I had my first panic attack & other health issues labeled adrenal fatigue
I followed my passion & became a personal trainer
I started my own personal training biz
I built the physique of my dreams (competed in two physique competitions & did a photoshoot)
I became the most confident I had ever been (I was popular in school, but was always shy & introverted)
I fell in love & got engaged
I started a donut business with my cousin (and loved the paradox of doing so as a personal trainer #balance)
I suffered some intense, weird health issues & was on bed rest for a month (less than 100% for many more)
I was convinced I was going to call off the engagement (she was having her own health crisis & we had triggered each other’s core traumas)
I decided to dedicate my life to helping others create a life they loved & pivoted from fitness to life coaching
I went broke & into debt
I put $5k on a credit card to invest in a coaching program
I met others like me for the first time in my life
I lost a sister to a toxic relationship & a best friend to a difference in values
I got married to a woman who challenges me & makes me the best version of myself
I started a podcast & interviewed inspiring people
I got a dream opportunity to host a podcast for a fantasy football content provider
I moved to a place that felt more aligned with who I am
I created & ran a powerful group coaching program (the most proud I’ve ever been of something I created)
I (my wife) had a miscarriage
I drove UberEats to make ends meet
I quit my coaching biz
I got a six figure job in tech
Pics or it didn’t happen
(wedding pics by the best photographer ever)
I found myself.
I rediscovered mySelf.
We are always there - it’s just a matter of uncovering our True Nature.
Beautifully, this decade or so of experiences led me back to mySelf.
So…
Who am I?
I’m a Big Thinker & Deep Feeler.
I’m a dreamer rooted in reality (head in the clouds, feet on the ground!)
I crave impact, meaning, & purpose.
I love deep conversations.
I’m reflective & introspective.
I’m a proud tree-hugging nature lover.
I’m moved to tears by music, sunsets, & movies.
I’m an empath & highly sensitive person.
I’m an INFJ.
I’m an outgoing introvert.
I’m a Cancer sun & Leo rising.
I’m a Manifesting Generator.
I’m a goofy weirdo.
I’m a connector.
I was raised Catholic, had an atheist stint, & now feel deeply connected to my sense of spirituality.
I’m a son, brother, husband, & father.
I struggle with feeling the pain of the world yet I truly believe people are good at their core (layered with trauma.)
I desire a just & equitable world.
I’m an imperfect, messy human trying to make the most of this crazy, beautiful life.
Why this? Why now?
A couple reasons. This is:
A creative outlet for me to process my human experience. As a Big Thinker & Deep Feeler, I am… always thinking & feeling! If nothing else, this is a space for me to process this wild ride that is life.
A space for me to be mySelf. When we allow our True Nature to shine through, we experience life fully… and give others permission to do the same.
A space to talk about meaningful shit. Whenever I think about my legacy, my place in the world, my calling, etc… “I want to talk about meaningful shit” always comes up. This feels worthwhile and what has the capacity to create change, evolution, & healing.
A way for me to Connect with other humans. The single most important experience of my life has been connecting with others like me. For so long, I felt so different - like nobody truly understood me. I now have the soul-level friendships that I was convinced I would never find. I know who I am because of them.
I hope that this space allows you to feel seen, validated, & understood.
You are welcome here just as you are friend. :)
What exactly is this space then?
This collection of musings (“publication” sounds far too sophisticated) will be an exploration of how we cultivate more connection with ourselves, others, and the world around us. The objective in doing so is to help us:
Know, understand, & embrace all of our Self (example: I love an Oxford comma!)
Find meaning & purpose in our lives
Navigate our beautiful, messy experience of being human
Learn how we can grow, heal, & evolve
Discover how we can positively impact the collective
Understand our place in the bigger picture
Prioritize people & planet over profit
Congratulations on living a life that is genuine to yourself and discovering it while you're young. Life is filled with false distractions, and compromise. We continue evolving until the day we die. If at that moment we feel no regrets, we may have done a good job.